Friday, March 20, 2009

The most dangerous of plunges.

My toes gripped the rock face, my heart fluttering. A good kind of flutter, the beat of heightened  confidence, invincibility even.  I could do anything. That was then.
Now you couldn't pay me to jump off a rock into unknown waters. I have too much to lose. When it comes to avoiding acts of physical recklessness, I need no prompting. That type of childishness has faded from my character in the bright light of adulthood and responsibility.

But what of spiritual imprudence? Types of childishness plague my person at present. The same illnesses that infected my youth, namely selfishness, unkindness, and indifference. 

I would venture to say that the most dangerous of plunges are not taken from bridges. 
The harm that we inflict in our own hearts will carry on the longest; through our lives and after, perhaps polluting the hearts of our posterity, our dear children.

I will confess that over the past few months, in a few scenarios,  I have thought the words "I am messing up my kids" and each time my mind is overtaken in this sort of self-doubt, I can pin-point my wrong actions to specific holes in my armor; selfishness in my character, unbridled frustration and impatience, or a defeatist perspective.
I expect not many adults are foolhardy in matters of life preservation. But how often are we reckless with a greater treasure?

I am researching the following scripture, and trying to understand how it applies to me as a parent, especially because I feel like a large 7 year old, and not in all the good ways, but I don't know what I should hold onto, and which things to let go. I would appreciate any personal insight and advice on the subject.

1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.


Jessica Bjorn said...

I empathize. I had Liala when I was 17, and it is hard sometimes to be a true adult, because even now I am not sure I am one in the fullest sense. But who wants to leave behind all that fun and imagination! I am still trying to find the balance myself. I will be peeking in for any suggestions as well.

Photography By Jo said...

Thanks Megan! That's a good idea ;)

Denise said...

I am a new reader of your blog & decided to de-lurk so say that I love your posts so much. You put into words so much of what I think myself. Thanks for the inspiration. You are the best!