Saturday, April 30, 2011

catching the sillies.

I don't know what's come over me, except that it feels like a slight case of "the sillies."

Yesterday Duke and I had planned to go to the temple in Portland for our evening date and I was having some trouble waiting. That's when I started noticing the symptoms: dress-up cravings, extreme craft thoughts, disruption in normal behavior infecting those I call on the phone.

So we were almost late to the temple, but I'm so glad we went. I am always glad when we go, even if I'm there with paint all over my arms and hands and ridiculous costume makeup. It was worth the chaos (to me, but you'll have to ask my mom for a more sensible opinion).

Here's a sneak-peek of the silliness that came over us yesterday. More to come on Monday, the official posting date for the SHEnanigans group.

One of the loveliest parts of our temple visit was meeting a blog-reader, right there in that beautiful place. I'm so glad that Julie introduced herself, partially because the sisterhood I feel here online has become somehow more real to me, and also so that I have a new, lovely blog friend to follow myself!

All of yesterday's adventure inspired me to live a little more. To be a person I would want to be friends with. To bring my day-dreams to life in my actions. Huzzah!

And if you are a Harry Potter fanatic like I am, you will need to watch this video at some point.

There are no squibs, people.

PS- thank you mom and dad for EVERYTHING you always do to help me in my crazy schemes. (aka last minute babysitting, companionship and input in thrift-store costume shopping, taping and spray painting stuff, scrounging for accessories, contributing financially to ridiculous endeavors, humoring me, you know-the regular.)

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

cravings. and a bad memory for these things.

A few hours after Sparky was born Duke decided to go home for a little while and freshen up. I really didn't want to be alone, or even with the precious baby alone because I had no idea what to do with the fragile, little man. Duke left me with a kiss and a promise to return swiftly. I fell asleep waiting for what felt like hours and awoke in a rage without him by my side. I called Duke to yell discovering I had dozed for only a couple of minutes and that he had just had time to walk out of the hospital into the parking lot.

My point is this; my immediate perception and afterward recall are horribly flawed, especially when I'm speaking about pregnancy, labor and delivery. That's probably why I allow myself to become pregnant again, forgetting each time the (without sounding too melodramatic) massive suffering.

So since I don't think I ever put this down anywhere, I will recount here what I craved with each pregnancy and I may be totally wrong with all of them (though the current pregnancy information is a tiny bit more likely to be accurate).

Baby 1. Grilled cheese sandwiches. Fast food, especially Wendy's chicken nuggets.

Baby 2. Home-made macaroni and cheese.

Baby 3. Pad Thai.

Baby 4. Picante Beef Top Ramen drenched in chili sauce. (That bottle in the top picture was new at the beginning of this pregnancy.) With a really, really big glass of milk.

Ok, journaling. Check.

But I should also put in here that it is miserable being pregnant, Megan. You are tired and cranky and under motivated. You decided you never want to do this again no matter how those cute, sweet, adorable, little babies you see, as your kids get bigger, make you swoon. You are blue more often than not and it makes it nearly impossible to mother the children you've already birthed. Megan, also don't get mad at Duke when you are begging for another baby and he reminds you that you wrote this.

Ok, truthful journaling. Check.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

just a memory, is all.

awake and dreaming.

I see a restless night as a complete anomaly these days. There were times once that I tossed and turned for hours, unable to quiet a racing brain, but now exhaustion is my winning sleep-aid.

Last night, though, was the first night in a very long time that I've listened to the rhythmic sounds of Duke's snoring, feeling him beside me in the dark but knowing I was entirely alone in my waking world.

My mind raced with the anxieties born of simple conversations and interactions, which often lead me to second guess my words, editing as if I were submitting an application for acceptance into a friendship. That is the self-conscious me.

What a strange jump I found in my meditations as visions of myself wearing scrubs and holding new-born babies appeared amidst the anxiety. I decided maybe I could be strong enough to be a nurse. Maybe.

But that dream is for a later season. For now it's spring with my babies and hopefully now that I have recorded these thoughts I'll be able to get back to smelling the flowers of now.

Hopefully with gusto like my Fitz here...

I might even let myself get carried away and do a head-first dive into the now-flowers.

Do your dreams sustain you, distract you, or both?

Saturday, April 23, 2011

a tram-ride game.

Can you find...

1. two people wearing sunglasses
2. the most darling look a two-year-old ever gave
3. duke's wave
4. someone who got new braces

Was that a fun game? I always like those things which is half of why I read this magazine faithfully.

More pictures to come from our latest adventure, but for now, Happy Easter!

Enjoy the special time with your families!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

living today.

Ten things I'm determined to enjoy about life right this very moment...

1. I spend a little time each evening scrubbing the rich, spring soil out from under my fingernails.

2. These days the stars have aligned so that I can put all the kids down for a nap simultaneously and get a little rest myself.

3. The weather is like a hilarious guessing game so that we dress in everything from winter-coats to T-shirts and shorts, all in the same few hours.

4. There are so many lovely projects to be done, and tiny, willing hands to help.

5. My plate feels just-the-right-amount of full; not too much going on, just enough to keep me moving.

6. The birds are back in town.

7. Duke is back in town, in the practical sense.

8. I have the same "play clothes" that I wear every day that just keep getting more and more caked with dirt.

9. After the rough-patch of morning madness I can begin to see hope for the day ahead, which is a new thing for me.

10. My mind is constantly racing with party ideas, adventure plans, and grand schemes for family and friends. I have missed that ambition in myself.

I believe that persistence through a big, rough spot has brought upon us lovely blessings.

"Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." -Malachi 3:10

Monday, April 18, 2011

date night(s).

we seem to be coming across quite a few occasions to go out on the town. i've been having a lovely time eating like a piggy, though after several nights out in one week, i really miss my kids (as if i don't spend all day every day with them).

we've had pizza, mongolian grill, chinese, icecream, bowling fun, a chance to catch up with friends and even a movie rental. (anyone else stink at taking redbox back on time?).

i'd say the best of the dates has been the evening we spent with our dear friends we haven't seen in a while...
do these people look like skilled bowlers, or what?

"i'm living in the moment with the friends i love." -mason jennings

and we've one last date tonight to celebrate the official end of tax season with duke's coworkers. olive garden on the company ticket? okay, i guess we'll go out once more, but then it's back to family-night every night! hooray!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

we're five.

i love...

waking up each morning next to my best friend.

confiding my every thought without fearing for his opinion of me.

taking care of him and knowing that he's taking care of me.

having a person to talk to about the boys that is as in love with them as i am.

sharing toothbrushes and deodorant and razors without a second thought.

being able to tell when he's fibbing about anything.

getting chubby eating midnight snacks and then going on diets together.

not caring where we are, so long as we're side-by-side.

knowing each other well enough to be able to recognize deep needs when petty arguments break out.

the way the sun seems to come out when he is near.

...i love everything about being married to him (and i promise i really thought that through before i allowed myself to type it).

happy fifth anniversary, my love. i feel simple joy when i think of us sharing those years-times-ten and more.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Magical hair.

If I can't have magical hair that glows when I sing, I guess I'll settle for a mane that grows while my kids sleep.

They think it's pretty fantastic. (Duke doesn't mind so much either, considering long, red hair is his favorite on me.)

I saw this lookbook from "darling" and fell in love with all of it, but mostly with the model. (Is that weird?) Anyway, out came the trusty hair-extensions. They've helped me wage many battles with my stubbornly slow-growing hair.

Not perfectly what I want, but just the change I need to feel pretty again in this frumpy-baby-belly stage.

the first bike ride of the season.

Proms and such.

My sister had prom last week. And another prom this week. Which is fun for me because I get to help make the boutineers.

Did you know that Duke was at my high school's prom, dancing away before I'd ever met him? Probably you didn't. I remember him. I remember thinking a) he is really cute and b) he is way too old to be here. A good while later we started working together and then a long time after that we realized that we'd been to prom together, only not together, so long ago.

It's been fun to watch prom unravel from the outside.

I love becoming a grown-up (of sorts) if only for the expanded vantage.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

robot woman.

Everyone is quite ill over here; all runny noses and sore throats. Yesterday I awoke and planned to sleep/snuggle/watch movies all day long despite the weekend mess that had piled high on every available surface.

But then Duke emailed me to let me know that the landlord would be coming over that evening to install some thing or another. Yikes!

I turned into a robot. I bet you can relate to the "trudging-through-it" attitude that miraculously emerges in times of need. When all of your personal desires take a back-seat. When you once thought that you could barely get out of bed because you're so sick and then suddenly you find yourself trudging up and down the stairs dozens of times carrying big loads, pausing only for quick morning-sickness stops in the bathroom.

I think all of us have a flip-switch resiliency in our bodies that confounds us when it turns on. I feel like I am walking around in this super-powerful and capable tool that I constantly underestimate. If I could just keep my brain from getting in the way sometimes, who knows what kinds of marathons I would be running!

Duke came home to meet with the landlord just in time for me to collapse in my dinner chair, having spent the day as wonder-woman, finally surrendering to my tired mind. The phone rang. I could tell by Duke's end of the conversation that the meeting was being postponed and I lost my head in a fit of maniacal laughter. Duke was trying to keep a straight face and failing miserably so much so that he had to leave the room to finish the conversation. So horribly horrible, but at least my house is clean, right?

I think of the words "the spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak" (Matthew 26:41) spoken about Christ's disciples who couldn't keep their eyes open, though they desperately wanted to be awake for His sake. Those words also applied to the many tired pioneers who trudged over tough terrain for the sake of their deep convictions.

I can't help but wonder if today we often find ourselves in the opposite position. Are our bodies aching to do good works and our minds and spirits so tired from the stresses of modern life? I marvel at the great spiritual and physical feats of strength accomplished by the souls of the past and specific examples in the present, and that gives me hope for my own soul and what I am truly capable of.

Just a thought anyway.

I hope that you are fighting the good fight of life, capable men and women. And that you are winning (although the battle is only lost when we surrender.)

Thursday, April 7, 2011

hey, sun.

hey, sun. remember that one day when you came out?

well, i've been thinking and i thought, well.. i just wanted to let you know that i appreciate you.

and if i did anything to offend you, i am so sorry.
i really like it when you're around.

actually, you should know that there are a lot of oregonians who would love for you to come and stay for a while.

whatever you decide just know that we love you, sun.

and we'll never take you for granted again, we promise.

ps- sun, there's this really goofy song that you might like, so i thought i'd share.

Treasure hunting at my dad's.

I know I've mentioned before that my dad has every random thing you could possibly need out in his shed. Before, though, I think I failed to fully explain what I meant by "every random thing."

I want to do some beach theme decorating... And here are just a small sample of the things he had on hand for my project.

My dad is so cool; I can never say it enough.

He collects all these treasures and parts with them so generously to anyone who asks. He apologetically told me, "I used to have a lot more shells but I gave them all away to kids who came around."

I don't think that there's anyone half so cool as my dad.

I always think that I'm going to use all of his stuff up, but I couldn't even if I tried.

I've realized how like him I am; if there's one thing I collect, it's supplies to make other stuff. Once my projects are finished and displayed for a little while I usually take them apart and start again. My dad makes beautiful shadow-box art but he imagines much, much more than ever gets made as he comes across beauty in almost every, little thing he sees.

I threw this little piece together, and I'm not sure exactly what I think about it, but it's a start. I didn't want to use my favorite treasures until I felt passionate about a particular direction.

I love to make things. I love that my dad taught me to love to make things. And I just-plain-love him.