Wednesday, August 28, 2013

thanks for the haircut, os.

when we asked her about her new look, this is what we got...

me: evy, do you like your new haircut?
evy: {raises one eyebrow and rolls her eyes to the side.}
matt: evy, do you thing you look silly?
evy: {nods vigorously while raising both eyebrows}

the picture is after i tried to fix it. why do they always go for the top front? some parts are cut to a cm from her scalp. after he did her bangs he cut one side to her ear.
 photo _DSC5117_zpsf56486e5.jpgossi has chosen a very "challenging" time to start testing boundaries again. i was going to say "inopportune" but the more i think about it the more i start to feel empathy for him and i see ways that what we're going through could be the perfect opportunity to teach him some life lessons.

i realize that everyone deals differently with the emotions that come from family trials and that ossi has very underdeveloped coping skills. in reality it's been rough. in retrospect, though, it's going to be the much needed comic relief when we think about this period of our life. plus this will hopefully encourage growth in his self-expression abilities.

last night we had to put him to bed early. he went down fighting, but the occasion helped us convey some important principles. i love lecturing through stories. like Christ taught us through His use of parables, one seemingly simple story well told can open hearts. so we tell stories. i just start talking and the plot develops as i go. i feel like the stories are a gift flowing from Father to help us in our parenting. so i spouted a story and ossi understood why we had imposed limitations on him, why he had consequences and expectations. not that he was at all happy, but we are becoming comfortable with his unhappy feelings. he understood that all we do is out of love for him and our other children and that's all he really needs to know sometimes.

so it's been hard. he lost his bike today. that was not a great moment. but maybe it will save him from a worse moment down the road.

Monday, August 26, 2013

life of riley.

matt is home sleeping today. there is just something heavenly about knowing he's home. we've had so many visitors stop in and express their love. our treasured friends even cooked a dinner last night, delivered it for us, served us like we were in a restaurant and washed all of dishes before leaving. all blessings.

monday always comes, you know? so in a grand monday tradition i'll dump a bunch of pictures on the blog. memories i don't want to lose of our young family. they are growing quickly.
 photo _DSC5068_zps7d750f10.jpgfinn^ got fuzz stuck to his sticky chin and i had to do a double take when i noticed it.
 photo _DSC5029_zps4520839d.jpgour handsome nephew^. photo _DSC5027_zps8b7aecd3.jpgmy brother/best friend^. photo _DSC5003_zps903be1fd.jpg photo _DSC4988_zpsa572d733.jpg photo _DSC5036_zps0c790c4a.jpgour darling niece^. photo _DSC4967_zpsb46d53f0.jpg photo _DSC4963_zps6ddd18d9.jpgthe easiest fort to make, ever^. photo _DSC4952_zps2919a2aa.jpg
a sleepy series... photo _DSC4974_zpsc5cd0687.jpg photo _DSC4976_zps3a3a5b9b.jpg photo _DSC4979_zps973bf9d3.jpg
a soapy series...

 photo _DSC4544_zps185a2163.jpg photo _DSC4529_zpsea070270.jpg photo _DSC4580_zps0de97c5b.jpg photo _DSC4573_zps4126596e.jpg photo _DSC4601_zps4386e5fb.jpg photo _DSC4597_zps974c3010.jpg
an outing for everyone... walk, picnic, smell the flowers, visit a thrift store, feed the ducks, skip rocks, swim in the river... photo _DSC4303_zpsb10a474d.jpg photo _DSC4264_zpsf7bc9dd7.jpg photo _DSC4267_zpsa7775c98.jpg photo _DSC4492_01_zps66463cb1.jpg photo _DSC4452_01_zps510cff61.jpg photo _DSC4423_zpsc7b635ba.jpg photo _DSC4350_zps787d37fe.jpg photo _DSC4337_zpse05f1b81.jpgthe sweetest baby on planet earth^. photo _DSC4346_zpsed54c362.jpg photo _DSC4357_zpscea2b028.jpg photo _DSC4380_zps7989c045.jpg
And last but not least... our family egg drop... photo _DSC4667_zps369225fb.jpg photo _DSC4659_zpsa24c19ad.jpg photo _DSC4662_zpsd7f0ed7c.jpg photo _DSC4665_zps7f579c7a.jpg photo _DSC4680_zps7f653b07.jpg photo _DSC4676_zps4efbffa1.jpg photo eggdrop_zps8cd1f67a.gif photo _DSC4787_zpsc958b7a2.jpg photo _DSC4772_zps80b59d98.jpg photo _DSC4775_zpsd5103a33.jpg photo _DSC4779_zps55e26253.jpg photo _DSC4780_zpse4f053d1.jpg photo _DSC4761_zps665c179b.jpg photo _DSC4764_zps6dc7c8cc.jpg
the only egg casualty was the one the dog stole after it fell gracefully to the ground... photo _DSC4727_zpsa80becfe.jpg photo _DSC4784_zps8aa34ab9.jpgout of a desire to see something splatter the kids threw a naked egg out of the window... photo _DSC4794_zps27c5d63d.jpg photo _DSC4796_zps00e540c3.jpgnot even kidding, the egg survived the fall^. photo _DSC4802_zps79e5d00c.jpgwhatever we may be going through as a family, we always have each other. we stand by one another in good times and bad.

as always, we're living the life of riley.

and now we're all caught up so that the next time i post a picture you can see what ossi did to evy's hair.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

imagining the worst.

I figured we would leave with a prescription. The thought occurred to me that he might need some IV fluids administered in the office. But before we left for the appointment I didn't think to pack an overnight bag.
 photo _DSC5080_zpsb709dfae.jpg
A speedy blood test confirmed that Matthew's potassium was critically low so that his heart was in a great amount of danger. I realized that I have no idea about a million things I should probably learn.

Matthew was ready to take his bike to work that morning like any other day. Instead he was taken to the hospital in an ambulance.
 photo _DSC5079_zps08f94a62.jpgWe spoke jovially about the role reversal we were experiencing. He has always been the one in the chair by the bed. I never realized how difficult that role is. I am thankful for this hospital stay for so many reasons, foremost that it saved his life. And also because it was a log on the fire of our deep love.
 photo _DSC5085_zps61d5f132.jpg He ordered and ate his dinner. Became ill again. That was so hard to see in this new light, but I'm glad he wasn't alone.

Matt wants to share his story but he's not much for writing it all out in blog format like I do mine. He asked that I keep updating here, but I know I couldn't convey what it feels like to be him right now. Only he can do that. He is very open to talking about his experience and journey. You'll have to find away to contact him for that. Like maybe via

So as you read here about his experience, expect to be reading about male bulimia from the perspective of a wife. Wouldn't it be wonderful if it was more common for men to have such forums about personal topics? Women's issues are so highly broadcasted while our men may be sitting alone, like my dear husband was, wishing they could call out and being too afraid. 

Here's my brief hospital story.

the warm rain hits me. warm compared to the cold room i came from. the caretakers all say "it's hot in here, isn't it?" and i'm trying to keep my teeth from chattering. so matthew is asleep and i need some dinner. the cafeteria has long since closed. i venture away from the hospital in the dark. i try a few close restaurants but they're all darkened. at last, a pub. "how many in your party?" ouch. as i eat i think about what could have happened had he not come to me. had he ridden his bike to work with such an unstable heart. this would have been my life. table for one. and i prayed and prayed and prayed. then i needed my check very badly. i paid and sprinted back to him, imagining the worst. what if his room was empty when i got back.

When we came home and I read through the comments here I was touched by the love and support and so was Matt. But there is one comment that hit me the hardest. One anonymous comment that haunts me to my bones. "I was afraid he had cancer. It robbed my strapping husband of his strong muscles and, last week, of his life. I hope that your man can get through this. There is absolutely nothing romantic or cool about being a widow." Oh, my soul. Whoever you are I love you and I am so sorry. I love you, I love you.