Sunday, March 6, 2011

things that are helping me make it through all this.

1. Ok, the GREATEST gift package was left for me the other day by me dear, sweet, lovely next-door-neighbor. If I was somebody like Oprah, recommending "my favorite things" I'd snag this girl up for my team and take all the credit for her genius discoveries. Because I am not Oprah, instead I'll tell you, Crystal has excellent taste in food that makes you feel incredible when you're pregnant and sick. Plus she is an insightful, compassionate soul, and just being around her is inspiring and uplifting.

(I seriously passed up a nap to eat the orchard peach sorbet she brought by.)

2. My parents, who come often to my aid. The other day my mom was expressing her wish that she could be "there for me" more often. I told her that I know I'm not the center of the universe, to which she replied, "Yes, you are. All my children are." So I got to thinking about how hard it must be when the universe starts splitting, when kids grow and move away from home, and parents can't be everywhere, all at once. This thought prods me further to cherish my little family that can still all squish into one bed together.

3. My husband. He's not here often, but when he is here, he is good and kind and supportive. He sat with me this morning while I barfed right before we went to church, and he told me he was proud of me for going and teaching the children anyway. He reminds me to have faith in Heavenly Father and faith in myself. And he doesn't get mad at me when I say (realistic) things like, "these dishes aren't getting done until we buy a dishwasher." I love him.

4. Forgiveness, mercy, and compassion, all from a loving Father have helped me so much. I have not been at my best. I have begrudged the extra responsibilities I've had. I have been a grumpy, ol' mom. I have been downright sour, seeing in myself all the possible ugliness I could become with an unchecked attitude. And I have asked Him to help me and felt His love despite my blundering humanity.

5. My children, who are my greatest comforts and strengths. They whisper to me that they miss their daddy, and it reaches my heart, filling me with an assurance that I am not alone. They regularly snuggle me to sleep, their cold feet on my legs helping me to feel as if just my body warmth (all I have to give sometimes) is enough to nurture them. They give me purpose.

I hope that as the waves of life hit you, you have strong hands to hold you. I am so very thankful not to have washed away.

7 comments:

Wonsch Family said...

I'm sorry that you're having a rough patch of life and I hope you start feeling better soon. I was thinking(since my little one is close to the age of your littlest) that I don't know how you're doing the pregnancy thing again right now, cause I know that I would not be handling it well at all with where I'm at in life right now, and then I was thinking, but she has two more kids than me too! So just know that I'm impressed and inspired by you from what I see of your life posted on your blog. You seem like such an awesome mom, wife, and friend. We'll be keeping your family in our prayers in the days to come :)

Trina said...

Oh Megan! You are such a sweet, inspiring, dear thing. your words touch me when I can't and won't listen anywhere else. Thank you.

Brittany said...

Thank you for posting this. I have been having troubles lately but not exactly what you're feeling. I read President Monson's talk on gratitude and knew that I wanted to be more grateful. I thought of you honestly and thought of how much you helped me through 2 years ago. I am glad that someone is there for you now. Thank you again for your blog. I love to read it and be inspired by your spirit.

The Read Family said...

I have followed your blog for quite a while now, and am just now commenting - I just had to after reading this post. It brought tears to my eyes. Exactly a year ago, I too was expecting my fourth child and had never experienced so much sickness/depression with any of my other pregnancy's or life for that matter. Just reading it, and almost reliving it through this post was sickening. My son was born in September and although, at times I thought I would never make it another day - just know this too shall pass. Looking back, it was so hard, but I feel so grateful for my experience and feel like such a stronger person because of it. Love your honesty! Love your blog! Your family is darling!

prettybaby said...

i was not a happy pregnant girl (suffered from pretty much every prego ailment from "metal mouth" to my abruptly zitty forehead to horrible depression & if one more person told me merrily "it's so worth it!" i think i was going yodel, just to avoid a cruel scream. but anyway, my heart goes out to you very much. & you are doing all you can! you are very inspiring. xx

Laura said...

I like your mom. And I think you're awesome.

Crystal said...

So glad you have been feeling better. I hadn't checked your blog for about a week; looks like you have still been busy while not feeling your best. Here's to a warm, and fun-filled spring/summer. See you outside! : )