awake and dreaming.

I see a restless night as a complete anomaly these days. There were times once that I tossed and turned for hours, unable to quiet a racing brain, but now exhaustion is my winning sleep-aid.

Last night, though, was the first night in a very long time that I've listened to the rhythmic sounds of Duke's snoring, feeling him beside me in the dark but knowing I was entirely alone in my waking world.

My mind raced with the anxieties born of simple conversations and interactions, which often lead me to second guess my words, editing as if I were submitting an application for acceptance into a friendship. That is the self-conscious me.

What a strange jump I found in my meditations as visions of myself wearing scrubs and holding new-born babies appeared amidst the anxiety. I decided maybe I could be strong enough to be a nurse. Maybe.

But that dream is for a later season. For now it's spring with my babies and hopefully now that I have recorded these thoughts I'll be able to get back to smelling the flowers of now.

Hopefully with gusto like my Fitz here...

I might even let myself get carried away and do a head-first dive into the now-flowers.

Do your dreams sustain you, distract you, or both?