Tuesday, April 26, 2011

awake and dreaming.

I see a restless night as a complete anomaly these days. There were times once that I tossed and turned for hours, unable to quiet a racing brain, but now exhaustion is my winning sleep-aid.

Last night, though, was the first night in a very long time that I've listened to the rhythmic sounds of Duke's snoring, feeling him beside me in the dark but knowing I was entirely alone in my waking world.

My mind raced with the anxieties born of simple conversations and interactions, which often lead me to second guess my words, editing as if I were submitting an application for acceptance into a friendship. That is the self-conscious me.

What a strange jump I found in my meditations as visions of myself wearing scrubs and holding new-born babies appeared amidst the anxiety. I decided maybe I could be strong enough to be a nurse. Maybe.

But that dream is for a later season. For now it's spring with my babies and hopefully now that I have recorded these thoughts I'll be able to get back to smelling the flowers of now.

Hopefully with gusto like my Fitz here...

I might even let myself get carried away and do a head-first dive into the now-flowers.

Do your dreams sustain you, distract you, or both?

5 comments:

Trina said...

lol!! That's the cutest thing!

Trapper and Suzy said...

A little of both, probably. Thanks for sharing! The pictures are cute and Fitz is ADORABLE.

Crystal said...

i have to draw my dreams so that i can function while awake. come see them sometime : )

Bridget said...

Dreams, to me, are like a pot on the back burner. You know it's there and you have the fire on just the tiniest bit, so it has to be checked and stirred every once in awhile. Sometimes you decide to add a little spice, or drain a little fat. Some days you want to spend all day leaning over that pot, lost in it's aroma. Other days it's like a faulty tea pot, squealing and derailing you every time you try to get something done. But just knowing that that pot is there is such a comfort. The contents may change before you get to eat them, but what matters is that it's there, the fire is on, and that you look in and stir every once in awhile.

Megan Marie said...

Bridget I love your analogy! Thank you for sharing. :)