Monday, March 12, 2012

today in yesteryears.

sometimes my sisters give me advice about my kids and I think, "oh my goodness, was i really that young once?"

i never get upset over their suggestions. and i don't even bother telling them that they don't understand. because they can't understand that they don't understand yet. i remember when i didn't understand the overall complexity of parenting. at the time, though, i thought i had it in the bag.

(right about now i'll wager a guess that there are even older and wiser people than me laughing at me.)

you know, it's a really good thing that we don't "get it" going into it. becoming a parent is scary enough. imagine if a perspective mother fully understood how trying certain aspects would be.

me-five-years-ago, well, i was a baby myself.

sometimes when i'm waiting around for duke to get home i surf through old pictures looking for joyful memories. my favorite is to find what i was doing on that day in past years. there aren't always pictures of the exact day, but today there were a few.

every day i get a tiny bit more of my brain wrapped around the concept that my parents did what i'm doing now. that they spent as much time and energy for me as i'm spending for my kids. yesterday i was acting as their walking dictionary and i thought, "how the heck do i know all of these words? i bet my dad was my dictionary." and the day i realized that i could access in my soul hundreds of songs to sing to children i thought, "thanks, mom." of course, i'm sure i've got many of mom's words written in my mind's dictionary and plenty of dad's songs in my heart, too.
3 years ago today.
(more march 2009)
i think these things and feel humbled. here i thought (being more than a little conceited for most of my life) that i'd sprung into existence with all of my total awesomeness. come to find out that i am a pearl from a clam of generations. (now, wasn't that a humble thing to say?)

strangely, though, i've become a part of that clam. that tender, loving clam. devoting myself to my little pearls.

(more march 2010)
i love the imagery of a "tree" to describe a family. for now i imagine duke and i as a trunk, strengthened by the roots of our beloved ancestors. with each year we grow rings and branches. and the branches grow buds. our children will occupy the trunk one day, and we will become the roots. our place changes, but the fruit will always belong to all of us.

i love that.

do you know that i didn't take a single photo or video a year ago today? what were we doing that day, i wonder.
(at least i can guess from these other march 2011 photos.)

2 comments:

Bridget said...

"The fruit will always belong to all of us."

I had not thought about it that way before. I love that, too.

you can call me aunt choody said...

I love his little scrunched up nose!