Friday, July 27, 2012

windy.

lately i've been fighting against the wind. by choice i've been struggling against the flow of life with children. open rebellion against my role as a mother and the burdens i carry.
my perception revolves around the following life-view i've recently adapted (through first-hand experience): as soon as you snuggle up with a child to enjoy the moment he'll pee on your lap. literally and figuratively.
 
who can just sit there calmly in a puddle of urine? that mom is my hero. who can be happy in a constant disaster-zone? that person has found the secret to peace.
if anger is a secondary emotion, i'm trying to pin-point my first. maybe disappointment. maybe sorrow. i think my heart just breaks a little every time my children are inconsiderate.
i've got to play my game differently.  drop defense, adapt a stronger offense. burn down my fortress and arm myself with enthusiasm, hope, and love.

if i stay on the path i've chosen lately, i'll always be the kind of person who complains about the sand at the picturesque beach. who whines about the hot sun over the clear-blue lake. who is the cause of the trouble in paradise.
my sisters are such a strength to me. through this bout with the blues they've been by my side, loving my children and giving me the motivation to be something besides a miserable fixture in the doldrums.

i've felt a little abandoned by Father as i've prayed for help but i realize now that He's not playing a defensive game. He sent me my family long ago, answering my prayer for help before i even asked.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hang in there . . . it will get easier.

Mrs. Blimes said...

You are doing the best you can moment by moment. None of us are perfect. Does it help that I seriously felt like you were describing my daily emotional roller coaster? Love and Luck!