Monday, September 24, 2012

trust.

this morning i walked a mile to school, seven kids in tow, like usual. it's been a couple of weeks that they've been going now and we've had a chance to fall into a happy routine of rushing around like mad to get everyone fed and dressed.

this morning i watched those oversized backpacks bounce around on four, running backs. i sighed deeply as i watched them climb the school steps and i turned to my three darlings still in the stroller.

my heart was ready to burst with love for them. i stopped pushing long enough to kiss their tiny faces.

who knew that we all needed this so desperately? i know who.

i wanted to homeschool my oldest. and for a long while it felt right. then we felt as if Heavenly Father was guiding us down a different path. i couldn't understand why He wouldn't want me to exert this extra effort for Liam. i felt guilty for letting go of my plans, like i was failing.

but things were lining up so perfectly to send us a new direction and my husband and i felt peaceful when we prayed about what was best for each member of our family.

so hard to let go.  i want to hold all the reigns. but turning things over to the Lord in trust has always brought us happiness we never could have imagined.

so Liam entered an all-day, spanish-immersion kindergarten.

my goodness, the blessings! who knew? God knew.

i was so worried that Liam would feel isolated and lonely with the language barrier and the long day away. he told me the other day, "i think i understand some stuff." i asked him what. "i can't say, really, cause i don't know how." i felt relief. he is making so many friends and experiencing such wonders (like the parachute in p.e.).  he tells me he likes it very much.

Ossi and Finn are stepping into big-boy shoes. they miss their big brother but they are progressing after a long, frustrating battle of, "not again"s and "how many times do i have to tell you"s.

two boys play so well together. three are always fighting. maybe it's because they're vying for one another's attention. maybe it's just too many hands in the cookie jar. whatever the reason, the welcome changes are surprising me. from my perspective i was sending my helper to school so i thought there would not be any benefit at home.

it's just their turn.

this situation has forced me to recognize that my babies are growing up. that this time at home is short. that there is no time to waste on complaining.

baby Eveleen will be walking any day now. my world has turned to help me see her more clearly and savor the time we spend together.

we can read all the self-help books. we can check into every study about child-development. we can swim the sea of information and try to make the best choices. but we'll just never know everything. every child and parent and family is so different, and our perspective is so limited. we need Him for a captain.

i'm so thankful for prayer and guidance given from above. i'm thankful that i put my pride aside long enough to listen. i'm so thankful for the journey we're on together and for the Guide leading us.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

thank you, i needed to read these words today, as if they were mine. i needed to calm down, and remember. i know all this but in stressful situations i somtimes fail to listen to what i know inside. i went through very similar emotions about homeschooling a few years ago, and it took me while to accept that it wasnt what my little girl needed. my greatest desire and challenge was to homeschool, somi felt some kind of grief, the shame of giving up, of going with the flow...in the end i ve so many confirmations that it was best for this child to have the school environment to grow into. i m so thankful for prayer and heavenly guidance, and far away friends who remind us who we are. i love your words and pictures. it lifts me up in more ways than you can imagine
lucie, your french reader from canada