Monday, October 15, 2012

country dream.

this morning while walking the kids to school i had a stress-induced day-dream.

after imagining the worst several times when the six walking children in my care started throwing caution to the wind near a busy road, i flipped out. grabbing two tiny hands a little too tightly, i marched my furious body into a trance.

how fair is it that they live in such a dangerous, crowded world? they can't throw a stone outside without me jumping down their throats. i become so weary at the sound of my own lectures on topics of varying importance.

"you must walk on the right side when people come down the sidewalk."

"if you stop in the middle of the road to tie your shoe you might be run-over."

"walking in people's grass isn't very respectful. plus you might step in dog poop."

"your teacher will want you to leave your nature collection outside."

"when people in their cars wait for you to cross the street you need to walk quickly and show gratitude."

mine are city kids. theirs is a world of controlled crosswalks and playground etiquette.

their boundaries are about as predictable as the english language rules.

"finn, you're in the road! okay, i know it looks exactly like the sidewalk. but it's the road now."

i dream of a tiny, country home. one, narrow, dirt road cuts through the vast, open field that extends for a mile in every direction. all time is solely dependent on the raise and fall of the sun. our schedule is "do" then "sleep." no hurry. no wait.

i know my children are very young still. and they will be so capable soon, having had such experience with expectations. but will i be able to set them free when they know how to cross the street? i have this sinking feeling, no. i just don't think the world is that way for us, here, now.

my dad tells of summers when he and his friends roamed the streets of las vegas like young kings. where is the child kingdom for my young sons?

maybe in that country dream.

4 comments:

Rach said...

come move to AR. Buy some cheap land with us, and we can live our dreams next door. We have the same dream!

Anti Money Laundering said...

Love to see these kids enjoying on the photos. I miss my childhood years.

Laura said...

In some ways I felt like I lived that dream, running through fields, swimming in irrigation ditches, building forts, climbing trees, raising rabbits, and chasing chickens. I want the same for my kids.

Jessica Jackson said...

You should come visit us! I had to get out of the city for the kids.