Friday, July 27, 2012

shield craft idea.

my incredibly awesome dad brought over these supplies this morning.
the boys have been playing "knights" all day.
thanks dad!

how do you do?


i love catching sparky singing along to the music in the car.
i especially love when he notices me watching him through the rear-view mirror and he smiles his most embarrassed smile.

i think fitz likes to wear hats when we go out so that people don't remark about his red hair. they still talk to him, but about other things.
we picked up a kitty for my birthday. mason (like the bee). he only stings when provoked.

moe might hop like a froggy onto my chest. this baby would nurse all day long if i'd donate my body for the cause.

can't stop listening to this song today. that's a really good sign.

windy.

lately i've been fighting against the wind. by choice i've been struggling against the flow of life with children. open rebellion against my role as a mother and the burdens i carry.
my perception revolves around the following life-view i've recently adapted (through first-hand experience): as soon as you snuggle up with a child to enjoy the moment he'll pee on your lap. literally and figuratively.
 
who can just sit there calmly in a puddle of urine? that mom is my hero. who can be happy in a constant disaster-zone? that person has found the secret to peace.
if anger is a secondary emotion, i'm trying to pin-point my first. maybe disappointment. maybe sorrow. i think my heart just breaks a little every time my children are inconsiderate.
i've got to play my game differently.  drop defense, adapt a stronger offense. burn down my fortress and arm myself with enthusiasm, hope, and love.

if i stay on the path i've chosen lately, i'll always be the kind of person who complains about the sand at the picturesque beach. who whines about the hot sun over the clear-blue lake. who is the cause of the trouble in paradise.
my sisters are such a strength to me. through this bout with the blues they've been by my side, loving my children and giving me the motivation to be something besides a miserable fixture in the doldrums.

i've felt a little abandoned by Father as i've prayed for help but i realize now that He's not playing a defensive game. He sent me my family long ago, answering my prayer for help before i even asked.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

one year older.


i already love being 27.
i can feel my mind and heart expanding in wisdom each day.

bring on the wrinkles.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

my uncle.


my uncle reminds me that my dream doesn't have to be bought in a store.
my uncle reminds me that a good life is a simple one, built from the ground up.
we share a romantic view of the homestead era, so i know he will always applaud my efforts to minimize modern convenience.
after visiting his forest home we're so excited for life's possibilities. we survived a hand-shovel and toilet-paper roll bathroom situation with four kids. we can do anything.

our boys were in paradise. their dreams from fire-making to gun-firing were brought to life. i can't count the number to time that their pure, joyous squeals rang out through the trees.
i don't wonder how my uncle can stand live without plumbing or electricity. instead i wonder how any of us can stand living without a campfire and the quiet sounds of mother earth's bounty.
today i'm facing the aftermath and wondering why we have so much junk when i know we could be just as content with much less.
i'm so thankful for my uncle's commitment to his dream and his willingness to let us be a part of it.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

hats off.

sometimes i think of myself as a baby, with a Father in Heaven watching me from an arm's length, lovingly letting me figure things out on my own...

...i wonder if our triumphant moments make Him smile.

i am fully invested in her victory, loving the moments that she overcomes her tiny world.