Sunday, March 24, 2013

that they might go and fall backward.

how does anybody do this?

line upon line. precept upon precept. here a little there a little.

i guess.

you know i hear that portion of scripture quoted A LOT but i've never actually looked it up until just now. the full verse is pretty... well i have mixed emotions about it. here, read.

"But the word of the Lord was unto them precept upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little; that they might go, and fall backward, and be broken, and snared, and taken." (Isaiah 28:13)
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wait, what? it's part of the plan to take one step forward and two steps back? not cool, robert frost.

i spent a day going through our cupboards eliminating things that i once would have considered very healthy. then matt and i got into an argument again.

we fought because i thought he was less committed to our success with ossi when he pointed out some cereal he thought was fine but that i had taken off the menu. basically i was being so stupidly sensitive.

okay, as a mother it's really hard not to feel alone through this trial. this guessing game of what is truth when there are so many positions on behavioral issues in children. i have the most wonderful, saint of a husband but i would be irritated with ANYONE at this point. off and on all day i've been reading random studies online, links from friends, nutrition guidelines for special needs children. so i end up acting on my gut more than anything else. and when you ask somebody to give up their favorite cereal on a gut feeling, of course their going to give you the raised eyebrow.

actually, i was also being dumb to him because he picked up some cheap yogurt at the store that had artificial dye that produced a hellish day. he was not picking money over child. first off, it's just not that simple. and secondly, it was an accident.

so, i've heard that parents of special-needs children are among the most unhappy in their marriages. also not cool, robert frost. i am getting why. there is little time to talk things through and when we do finally get a chance we're already highly irritated due to our daily adventures in collaborative-problem-solving and our digestive issues from a changing diet. oh, lentils and beans, doin' that thing you do.
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my dad came and watched the kids last night so we could hit the play "our town" which was exactly what we needed. a rude awakening to the reality of this fleeting life we're leading. i cried like a baby. then we went out to eat french fries, which was not actually a good idea. beans and lentils and french fries. and three hours of kid-wrangling church the next day. woof.

anyway, we wrote down our budget on a napkin and realized we've been spending more than we have. matt sort-of knew, but i didn't. so there was more to the yogurt thing than i could have guessed at the time. oh, there's another reason why special needs families are so stressed. finances have to stretch a lot further for copays and organic (i despise the word) produce.

so we figure out how to do this. here a little there a little. and apparently it's part of the plan to have set-backs.

which is reassuring since we got in a fight when we got home because he said he was too tired to read the explosive child book AND the scriptures so we just had to read the scriptures. and i was all like, "fine" (with a huffy roll over in bed). so dumb.

i love that man so freaking much. why am i so mad at him all of the time?
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you know, we're not going to be on the same page all of the time.

their's just too much homework for us to get it all done together. divide and conquer, right?


no, there's got to be more to this. come on next line. come on next precept.


Staci said...

Do you know you are the ONLY blog I read. I only look at pictures on other blogs, but never read the captions and if there aren't any pictures I just skip it all together. I LOVE how real you are. I love how real your pictures are and how so many people are going through what you are going through but just don't know how to say or put into words. We all have our trials and have to take life one day at a time and this post you nailed it. I'm always praying for you!

Anonymous said...

Organic produce is a struggle...especially with buying for a whole family. bountiful baskets has an organic option, but you never know what you are going to get...there are also a lot of CSA boxes (community supported agriculture) that are cheaper than buying organic from the store... Also there are many co-cops (especially in the portland area) that let you volunteer a couple hours a week in turn for produce...which does take time out of an already busy busy life..but sometimes feels like an escape.

Cindy Lou said...

throwing in my 1 1/2 cents worth. Oh, wait there will be those upset by this, here goes not all organic produce is really organic much the same as the labels on canned food that say organic. I do believe diet makes a difference, but I do not believe it is the only cure all. I do know that Matt's got a good wife and Megan has a good husband, disagreements happen, just don't go to bed mad, it is not worth it. This is also a good time to try container gardening or some of the other space saving kinds. There are some great ideas for salad gardens. Pulling weeds can be theraputic, wink, wink. I let Rick pull weeds anytime he wants.I can give you my advice and suggestions all day, but you are right go with your gut! When the produce stands open it will be a nice ride in the country to find things, they might not be from a certified organic farm, but they will be fresh and nothing tastes better then fresh.

Laura said...

You guys will figure it out. "Divide and Conquer," doesn't mean you divide, it means you break down your tasks into conquerable sizes and take them on together (although it does help to split up at the store so you only have to walk half a mile each instead of the whole mile that is Super Walmart).
Remember, "United We Stand, Divided We Fall." (or in other words, see Mark 3:25). I'd like to think that when marriage is done right it can be synergistic, but to be honest we haven't got there yet either.
By the way, yogurt is way easy to make. I make mine all the time and I know exactly what goes into it. :) I posted about it about this time last year.

Anonymous said...

been there, done that. You re in the trancheesright now. Keep going, and some day, you ll feel like you re on the same page again. My husband who didnt care at all what went into his and our mouth as long as it wasnt too green or expensive, now appreciates the fact that there s peace at home, no more meltdowns, and that we re never sick. You re a mom, so your heart goes right to the needs of the kids, he s the provider, so he ll worry abut the money for the kids. Two different roles. I like mine better as the mom, wouldnt want to worry about the money like he does, I have the better part, as hard as it is. And resourceful as you are, you ll find ways to stretch your dollar. my husband and i were so so far apart, and now I discover it s possible to love again...I m absolutely sure you can do it and thrive!

leigh said...

I've been a long time reader and rarely comment but I can SO relate to this post. My oldest son has sensory processing disorder and parenting him can be a true challenge.I wanted to share something with you that has helped my husband and I when parenting our "spirited child". We came up with a code word, we picked a silly line from a movie that we both love that makes us laugh. Our code word is "Car Ramrod". If we find ourselves stressed out and arguing over something about the kids one of us will say our code word. We have defined what our code word stands for. When one of us says it we are actually saying "we are on the same team but this is super hard and getting the best of us". It has helped us SO much to dissipate tension when we are knee deep in parenting.

It sound simple but sometimes just hearing it can calm me down and remind me that we are unified as parents. I thought that maybe y'all could come up with your own code word. It has to be said gently and with love for it to work, though.