one reason that i think it's been so hard for me to get back into posting is that i am so behind. the overwhelming weight of the memories missed feels heavy on my shoulders.
the prompting to resume is so strong, has been so strong, that I'm going to need to start somehow.
here it goes, starting from today. and perhaps i can share flashbacks as i go.
oh, i love a good flashback.
my children are absolutely thriving being home from school during the social distancing measures. although they've had a great experience in the montessori setting so far, they were craving more time at home. three of them were continually asking me to homeschool again and finn had already moved to half days in the name of naps.
living directly across the street from the high school means that the free community lunch happens in our front yard. though we've been on a strict diet i just can't resist sending them out. it's too easy and i am so pregnant and tired.
we are living in this beautiful place with 60-70 degree weather, endless free time, and built-in friends.
i live in a constant amazement lately about the power of small discoveries and long journies to change our family dynamics.
the long journey has been having this baby. from the prompting that we must have another, to matthew's vasectomy reversal, to the last 34 weeks of pregnancy... it's amazing to think we only have six weeks left until may 2nd. i've seen these beautiful children turn toward the future and the past simultaneously, rejoicing in the whole journey as we tell stories of their babyhoods and predict joys coming as they greet a sibling. i find it hard to grasp that this baby will be one of them, fully. another little riley.
evy is thrilled to still fit in one of her baby dresses (see below). she's been wearing it any time it's clean(ish).
four dragons and a baby bird- a picture from grandma and grandpa... and the pants that i can't wait to fill with a baby...
one small discovery led to greater success in our quest to conquer comparison in our home. i can't express how important this small change has been.
we realized, through prayer and study, that a strong highway of comparison ran through most every contention we experienced. but we didn't know how to stop- we have struggled like this for a long time.
here's a practical example...
"why does finn get to do half-days! i'm the one who is really struggling in school! why do you care about him more than me?"
our old way of fielding these CONSTANT (and i'm not exaggerating about the constancy) comparison was to try and discount the claims...
"i'm sorry you're struggling in school but his struggles are different, and we don't care more about him, we're just trying to be the best parents we can to both of you. comparison is the thief of joy, dude. don't compare yourself to him, it's not helping you. you guys are different, his needs are more to be home because of his sleep issues, but you need to face your social struggles."
what we didn't realize is that this line of reasoning keeps that comparison highway fully operational. even as i tell him not to compare i introduce differences and invite a weighing of needs one against the other.
we knew comparison was a major problem, but we needed new skills to address it in ourselves as parents and our family brain.
i know it was through the grace of Heavenly Father that we came to realize the simplest help that guides us today. let's try this again...
"why does finn get to do half-days! i'm the one who is really struggling in school! why do you care about him more than me?"
"that's comparison and it's not helping you. that's not what we were talking about. i was asking you to brush your teeth."
this roadblock on comparison highway has helped immensely!
matt and i remind each other- "don't engage."
"why do i have to fold laundry? i'm always the one that helps! he never helps, make him do it!"
it's so tempting to recount the number of times that kid 1 has helped and the times that kid 2 has helped in the past day to point out flawed thinking. but no!
"that's comparison and it's not helping you. go ahead and fold that laundry, sweets."
even now i considered that there must be so many parents who have used this tool to combat comparison for years- i must just be clueless. and that tells you where the problem originates. my own mind and struggle.
it's so rewarding to apply this tactic in my own thinking! "that's comparison, megan, and it's not helping you." highway shut down!
the sibling rivalry has diminished over time and through this process, just like my ability to stand up by myself from sitting on the floor has worn away in pregnancy.
somehow my "nesting" instinct is in overdrive, though. I'm building walls and bunks and doorways and secret passages running all over the place. i've joked with matt that this baby will either love the sound of saws and drills and building projects or else have PTSD from its time squished into weird positions with funny noises sounding.
yes, we have a house full of creative projects.
i
one last note about my dear husband. matthew is an incredible provider and he's extra excited for this dear baby to come- so even though tax day has been pushed back to July, he can't be stopped from working away. his state job has been beyond busy as he's worked to implement crisis changes in state payroll. and then he comes home to file taxes for friends and relations. he insists that this effort will free him up in a tremendous way when the baby arrives, and i can totally envision this dream spring.
sums it up.
Comments