once upon a time in a wendy's...
i sat with the boys, finishing fries, when a woman walked by. she was curvy and smooth and just very womany. i watched three little-boy heads turn and ogle her and wondered however to teach them, and what to teach them.
she had on incredibly cropped jean shorts and a fit cami-tank. my first instinct was to be irritated with her for being so dang beautiful while wearing minimal threads. see, it's sometimes automatic, even for another woman, to blame a boy's impulse to sexual thoughts on the female who has become the object in their mind. feeling that i needed help to see more clearly i prayed silently for perspective on the situation.
as i prayed my mind jetted to our home away from home away from home- the ballet studio. i thought about the athletic women there who are similarly stunning. i thought about my boys who spend hours at the studio among these beautiful bodies and don't seem to ogle them there.
i leaned over to them in that wendy's, "i noticed you staring at that woman and i wanted to point something out. do you realize that the cut of her clothes is identical to a leotard? you see that much skin all of the time so why is it such a big deal all of the sudden? you respect the dancers at the studio as athletes and friends, not just bodies. do you think you could extend that woman your respect, too?"
i noticed an immediate change in them and their gaze. they could still see her but their reformed intent allowed them to really view her as a person. the change was palpable and powerful. and it works for me.
i was raised in a culture that put a lot of emphasis on a women's responsibility to be modest to protect a boy from thinking inappropriately. i have to really work to see past those impulses to judge other women that way. now when i see a gorgeous woman showing skin i simply imagine her as a graceful dancer and any inclination to judge diminishes.
the way i understand it, there was a time in our cultural history when the sight of a woman's ankle would get a boy's blood pumping. there are also tribes of half-naked people who get along just fine sexually somehow. that tells me it's more about the dialogue of that boy's brain than the amount of skin showing.
a couple of weeks ago evy was playing in the driveway when i walked out onto our porch in time to witness a drive-by stare-down. see, evy was being beautifully nine in her favorite dance shorts when a man slowed his car almost to a stop to stare at her legs. i was enraged. undisciplined brains attached to eyeballs. or worse- trained and practiced leches prowling.
world, can we cultivate some respect for women and especially children, please?!
Comments