waiting.
He told me to stop waiting for the Spring. Well, really he was making an observation about a tendency we both have to say things like, "when we don't have all these bills...." or "when our babies are older...." or "when we have more time for one another..." But it's usually me saying these things, so I interpreted his remarks as rebuke.
Yesterday I was sweeping the floor when I found the missing back to my favorite earrings. At the time I was cleaning to blow off steam; I always clean like a maniac when I'm feeling grumpy. Finding part of my beloved treasure reminded me of the evening he opened a little box to present them to me as an incredibly early valentine's day gift when we were dating. That evening we had gone together to see a high school's presentation of Les Misérables, which neither of us had ever seen. By the curtain call I was crying in sobs and snorts, hysterical, caught completely in the world of the players. We climbed into his truck and I continued to sob. With a hint of confusion in his brow over his role in the scenario, he gingerly caught my attention to gift me the lovely earrings.
I held that memory in my mind, turning it over as I thought of the extremely emotional tendencies I've displayed through the past four years of our marriage. Epiphany number one; I've always been a bit of a nut, and he knew perfectly what he was getting himself into by loving me. Sudden realization number two; all he has ever wanted is for me to be happy, he just doesn't always know how to interpret my actions or what I expect of him during passionate outbursts.
So he told me to stop waiting for Spring, because I've been complaining a lot about the miserable parts of our current situation. I forgot that he loves me despite my shortcomings. But now I remember. I forget that he only wants me to be happy. But now I remember.
When we were married I promised to listen to his righteous advice. I've never been that great at being wrong.
Although I'm still carrying the hope of Spring, I'm looking for the beauty of the current season. I have a husband who loves me enough to tell me the things I don't want to hear. This song comes to mind. I'm counting my blessings. And a blustery day never looked more stunning.
Comments
It seems like whenever I see my husband less and I'm not having that quality time connecting with him that's when I am the most sensitive and I find more fault with him. It's ridiculous how that works but it always seems to go that way.
When you can determine to love and trust God in the winter seasons of life - and have a God-given man who loves you through them - you can greet the arrival of Spring (for it always does come) with celebration, with childlike jumping for joy, and with a deep appreciation for new beginnings. For life restored.
Wishing you moments of beautiful reflection in these days of winter. And as you are focusing on the now, I will expectantly hope for Spring on your behalf.
ps-Lily is all stuffed up now too.