Monday, September 24, 2012

trust.

this morning i walked a mile to school, seven kids in tow, like usual. it's been a couple of weeks that they've been going now and we've had a chance to fall into a happy routine of rushing around like mad to get everyone fed and dressed.

this morning i watched those oversized backpacks bounce around on four, running backs. i sighed deeply as i watched them climb the school steps and i turned to my three darlings still in the stroller.

my heart was ready to burst with love for them. i stopped pushing long enough to kiss their tiny faces.

who knew that we all needed this so desperately? i know who.

i wanted to homeschool my oldest. and for a long while it felt right. then we felt as if Heavenly Father was guiding us down a different path. i couldn't understand why He wouldn't want me to exert this extra effort for Liam. i felt guilty for letting go of my plans, like i was failing.

but things were lining up so perfectly to send us a new direction and my husband and i felt peaceful when we prayed about what was best for each member of our family.

so hard to let go.  i want to hold all the reigns. but turning things over to the Lord in trust has always brought us happiness we never could have imagined.

so Liam entered an all-day, spanish-immersion kindergarten.

my goodness, the blessings! who knew? God knew.

i was so worried that Liam would feel isolated and lonely with the language barrier and the long day away. he told me the other day, "i think i understand some stuff." i asked him what. "i can't say, really, cause i don't know how." i felt relief. he is making so many friends and experiencing such wonders (like the parachute in p.e.).  he tells me he likes it very much.

Ossi and Finn are stepping into big-boy shoes. they miss their big brother but they are progressing after a long, frustrating battle of, "not again"s and "how many times do i have to tell you"s.

two boys play so well together. three are always fighting. maybe it's because they're vying for one another's attention. maybe it's just too many hands in the cookie jar. whatever the reason, the welcome changes are surprising me. from my perspective i was sending my helper to school so i thought there would not be any benefit at home.

it's just their turn.

this situation has forced me to recognize that my babies are growing up. that this time at home is short. that there is no time to waste on complaining.

baby Eveleen will be walking any day now. my world has turned to help me see her more clearly and savor the time we spend together.

we can read all the self-help books. we can check into every study about child-development. we can swim the sea of information and try to make the best choices. but we'll just never know everything. every child and parent and family is so different, and our perspective is so limited. we need Him for a captain.

i'm so thankful for prayer and guidance given from above. i'm thankful that i put my pride aside long enough to listen. i'm so thankful for the journey we're on together and for the Guide leading us.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

today i love...

today i love ossi's every gesture.

i love that since we've been working on his diet he is becoming more capable in his role as a family member. he is calmer and more reasonable and he is still very much his wonderful self.

i love his little schemes. i love that he says things like, "here's the deal, guys..." and "i know just what we all should do..." and "i'll tell you what, mom..."

i love watching his hands flop around like squirmy fish when he speaks. i love that he is so excitable and entertaining.

in the past i've wondered if i was the right person for the task of being his mother. today i love that i can more fully witness the blessing he is to our family and to my life. i'm so privileged to be his mom.

Monday, September 17, 2012

our happy.

firsts.

first  day of kindergarten.

first ballet class after summer break.

first mom-finn-evy date.

first spare moment to upload photographs.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

a day i refuse to forget.


i've been a bit blue.

many, many contributing factors. sorrows and frustrations in many forms and varying significance. but things are still so good. just last week we lived an absolute dream day. i've not taken the time to write any thoughts lately (there are too many to know where to begin) but i couldn't let these pictures fall into the cracks in my hard-drive.

i'm going  to forgo my efforts to be profound and just tell the story of the day. this way when i am feeling blue i won't be able to forget some recent splendor.

those poor, pregnant cows. flies were buzzing in their eyes while the sun beat on their black hides. the kids marveled as they ate up pears fallen and rotting, gathered and shared. i can't exactly remember anything specific that anyone said or did, but i remember happy kids. and happy me with the most pleasant people to speak with; margo and choody and tanya.

chewy (aka fitz, but actually named finn) and i had a long moment together. i pushed his little body in a swing for much longer than i've done in a very long time. perhaps ever. the sounds of his laughter are ringing through the corridors of my mind. i wouldn't sell that moment away for millions of dollars. how many more of those tender exchanges are waiting for me to scoop them up? free and priceless.

i noticed that liam (sparky) was missing so i wandered around a bit calling his name. i wandered into the house of my dear childhood friend, stooph. i thought of the time i ran away from home and found myself there. things had changed since then, but not really. walking into the living room i called for my eldest and heard no response. as i turned to leave, a little head popped out from behind the sofa, just a moment too soon, and they were caught. liam and lucy. happy as could be in their secret hideaway.

i don't remember anyone fighting over the swing. i actually don't remember any fighting that day at all. i love days like that.

the boys dumped a box of pears onto evy-girl when i wasn't watching.

she took a bite out of every one she could. then we went home and everyone willingly napped. i love days like that, too.

when we awoke it was late in the evening. so we abandoned bed-time and walked to the state fair to see auntie tamsin at the end of her shift. kids under five were free. the day just kept getting better, you know?

i adore the following photograph for the reactions captured...

liam's first roller coaster ride.

ossi (formally known on the blog as iggy) bit all of his nails short as he tried to pick which ride he'd brave. he insisted, "i'm not scared."

waving his arms at us, he gallantly settled into the seat of the fire-truck/bus. his confident look turned into sheer terror as the bus started to slowly raise. he grasped the edge and i thought he might cry until the cheers from his brothers and auntie blew wind into his sails. upon exiting the gate he yelled, "i wasn't even afraid."

this was one of the last nights we spent with tamsin before she left to rexburg, idaho.

finn chose the motorcycles first thing. he knew the moment he laid eyes on those shiny hogs that he just had to get behind those handle bars. i honestly couldn't really tell if he was having fun because he had his famous poker-face going. he said it was fun though.

oh, joy. it's hard to be sad looking at a sweet, happy kid enjoying a fair!

i'm so glad that i take my giant, silly camera everywhere i go. even when i don't feel like taking pictures. because later i need them. i need days like this to look back on when it rains.

so many blessings.