the stick incident.

there were two, actually. incidents.

firstly, my parents' dog grabbed this stick out of ossi's hands. the critter ran away, giggling, and wedged his way into a narrow passage, cracking the stick near one end.

you must know that this was not just any stick. this was a grandpa gift. and ossi treasures his gifts. he remembers the giver and mentions them whenever he plays with his gifts. also, this is his jack frost stick. i'm not the only one who relates to the guy.

so gus the dog broke it. grandpa mended it. making it even more precious to him.

here's the second incident. 

wait, more back story. ossi has trouble expressing emotions and his mental file for available reactions to frustrations is very limited. he might be flustered, too warm, annoyed, tired, worried, anxious, scared, lonely, overwhelmed, or impatient and his expression of choice is to threaten to hurt the people around him. or actually hurt them.

after the second incident his dad sat consoling him for near an hour as he screamed terribly sad things like, "how will i protect myself now?" and "i'm not safe here anymore!" 

how do you teach a child that their family isn't out to get them when he's so otherwise certain?

i'll tell you what you don't do. you don't take his most prized possession in hand and break it into five pieces in front of his eyes. 

i am ashamed to say that my frustration file was empty. we had some very long conversations following the incident. we talked about "our team" and how safe he really is in our home. and about how wrong i was to break his stick. he forgave me.

we turned it into a decorative, treasure box. he loves it.

i'm really, really imperfect. but i'm learning.

at first glance you may see a dangerous bully of a kid with a big stick. look at his eyes, though. doesn't this boy look lonely, and scared, and tired of fighting?